Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My life outside home sweet home so far

Wee!! I’m finally blogging about my current lifestyle after staying outside my home for almost a month! Yep, another few days and it will officially be a month of me living without my parents for a month.

This feels a little bizarre yet exciting.

Bizarre because honestly speaking, this feels so surreal.

The day my dad and my little brother went on to the taxi and right at the very moment, I saw my little brother crying, I felt a huge urge to cry on the spot itself as well. Of course he’s not crying for me. I wish. –_-

He’s crying because he wants to stay and play for a few more days before heading back to boring ol Brunei. True, Brunei is boring and there aren’t many shopping malls but at least it’s safe there. You don’t have to worry about pretty much anything there. But of course, one can’t be too sure so stay safe always :D *spoken like a true expert* B)

I can’t believe I’m able to survive living without my parents for a month.

Homesick is the only word to describe how I feel everyday. It’s true, I have new friends here, I should feel less home-sick but no matter what, it’s still homesick process every single day.

Living outside just doesn’t feel the same when it’s not home. Home is where I grew up, happily or unhappily – it’s still home.

Gone were the days I used to quarrel with my mum because I felt like she didn’t understand me AT ALL ; it felt like she was always against anything I said. When I was forced to (literally FORCED to learn driving in Sibu) be separated from my mama and papa and bros for a few months, I feel like I became more mature. I’m sorry if this sounds so conceited to any of you guys who’s reading this but yeah, I feel that way.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder” It’s true in my case. Also, it makes a person grow as well.

I wondered why was I so stupid to fight about everything with my mum. I don’t even want to talk to her last time because I know that, each time I start a topic, she would disagree with me and we would end up in a huge fight. I also hated how she insulted me in a way because I hate being compared to other daughters, I hate being insulted by someone so close to me.

I also hate seeing people so close with their mamas because it made me very jealous. I also hate it when people show off their mamas to me because I can’t show off my mama the same way.

Humans are so typical. We always love showing off, indirectly or directly. Come on, I do the same so I’m not afraid to admit it. :)

This is a post specially dedicated to my mum.

I always tried my very best to not tweet shit about my mum – I resisted each time I feel like tweeting about it so badly because I saw so many tweets about other people’s mamas treating them bad and each time I view them, I get irritated.

I get irritated because some tweets are selfish and stupid. If I did the same, I would be a stupid person as well.

So I tried my best…my very best to not tweet or go online whenever I’m mad with my family.

I just want to tell my mama so badly…

Life without my family is really, really, really difficult.

I feel like slapping myself each time I thought about the way I treated my mum. Just look at me now. My mum can be like every other mom, wanting their daughters to study something “important” like engineering, doctor, lawyer or some high paying job but instead, she listened and said it’s okay if I wanted to take a design course even though I’m in a Science class who did not take Art for O levels.

My mum begged me to study Form 6 but I didn’t because I knew what I wanted to be and I don’t want to waste my time studying something irrelevant to my course. True, there is computer, there is art but no, it’s not multimedia and it’s not what I want to study so no.

I remembered having a very very long and deep talk with my mum after I came back to Sibu (Our relationship was heaps better that time because I learned to aggravate her less and I’m extremely blessed about that) about my course. I even wanted to change to Biotechnology haha please don’t find it funny but I honestly find Biology a lot more interesting now. But I’m glad I didn’t.

Even though it’s just the beginning, I really really like my course. Each time I get a new assignment – true, it’s pretty hard but I don’t feel like complaining about it. Instead, I get excited over it. It’s a first for me.

It’s like being happy because you have a homework to do. Yep. That’s how it feels.

I also feel very happy when I do my assignments, I don’t think about anything, I just do it…

I still procrastinate *smacks head* BUT hey, I still get the job done. :P

Speaking of assignments, our latest 2D assignment is hard man…I still don’t get it yikes!

Okay, back to the topic, Biotechnology – I told my mum about that and she was very happy. She’s like, “Really? I don’t mind!” I felt so sad at one point. So it’s true she doesn’t like my course at all.

She keeps on telling me “This is a job you don’t need to learn bla bla bla it’s just drawing” But I have to reassure her it’s more than DRAWING, it’s design.”

Up till now, she still finds it a pity for me to take a design course because with my results, I can do something much more better but I’m fine the way I am.

I just have to show her how HAPPY I am now and she would feel happier at least..I guess.

I told her about people always looking down at my course and she told me this which made me really touched, “Do they even know what a multimedia designer do ka? Maybe some of them don’t even know”

Now that I think about it, it’s sort of true.

A lot of people think multimedia designers deal with “computer stuff” but it’s more than that. I won’t elaborate on that much because I like to keep people wondering~ heheh

And then I told her, “What if I can’t find a job or can’t earn much? Will you mind? Maybe I will earn more if I become a *some high paying* job or something”

She answered, “Just work hard la. People come out become doctor also won’t be a doctor like that right?”

I like that. Just work hard. At least it gives me a push to try harder.


WEE!! Finally a PICTURE, yes?

I’m sorry I have to torture you guys but give yourselves a clap if you survived after reading all that huge chunk of text. It’s just that, once I type, I really can’t stop.

That’s a picture of my university (in my case, it’s college) from my hostel room. It’s pretty, ain’t it? :D

I look out of here every morning and night and observe the people walking around the university. It’s fun when you’re bored. And oh, the lighting is awesome as well. Very nice to take self-absorbed shots.

Anyways, speaking about my mama. The first few days – oh my goodness. I don’t even want to go back to that period. It was ultimate HELL.

If that’s how hell is, I don’t ever want to go to hell anymore. Whew

It was so difficult because I was very, very, very, very home-sick. That was the time where I don’t even have the mood to even tweet or even go online. I was basically like…a dead person for a day or two.

And crying. Hah. It was TEARS every single day of the week! I had to cry to release all my sadness. And after I cry, I feel like crying again and the process continues. Anything I see that reminds me of my family brings me to tears. My mum called me, I cried. My grandma called me, I cried as well. I see a bottle of water my dad bought for me whilst he was in KL. I cried. I think back about my life in Brunei. I cried.

It’s like crying was the only thing I could do for the first few days. I felt so shitty that I even wanted to go back home right away. And thinking about having to live out here for 2 and a half years made me even worst.

And I wanted to stab anyone who’s living with their parents at the moment and still complaining about them. Yes, I was that bad.

I’m sorry if I offended any of you guys – but that was before. I’m perfectly normal now :D

Thank goodness, I feel much more better after a week. That was when orientation started and no, it’s not because I finally have something to do but it’s because I am finally used to the life here. I am serious. I am no good at recognizing the roads but at least, I’m used to the life here already.

Life was even better after my classes started because at least, I finally have something to do and had less time to think about home. Making new friends also made my life a heck more easier because I also have companions to talk to and not feel lonely as well.

I am extremely thankful for my life now. I’m doing good, so far. :)

PIKTURES TIME!!! Rejoice people~

030420111111 Susan on the phone and me taking a picture of both of us without her permission ^_^

This was a day before my diploma programme started :D

Susan’s friends brought us to this beautiful park near I don’t know where HAHAHA and it was so fun! Better than staying at the hostel every single day :(

Her three friends are super friendly! We even went grocery shopping together.

030420111115 030420111116 Love this picture! We look like we’re practicing kung fu xD

HAHAHAHA! Check out that pretty water spurting out of the lake! So breath taking. Of course my phone can’t capture the beautifulness of the water.

OH YA! I discovered a new PHOTO EDITING technique! WEEE!! I don’t know if you guys think it’s nice, but I super love it because it makes my phone camera photos look a little more clearer! Well, that’s what I think :D

Oh, I’m using the Sharpen > Unsharpen tool :)

And I’m blogging using Windows Live Writer now! Oh my goodness. It’s freaking awesome, please. Everyone should use it now. It’s easy to drag photos because you can copy and paste without meddling with codes plus, it doesn’t make my pictures look pixelated as blogger did. Phbbbttt

And I also have a cute smiley. Hehe.

Lots of photo editing tools as well. What are you waiting for? TRY IT AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!

030420111117 Failed photo la.

Was trying to grab the water spurting out like a true pro but ended up looking like a hungry zombie waking up from it’s sleep. Sigh


Now that’s more like it! Do I look like some cool mighty person from Greek who held a lightning look-a-like sword? I kid, I kid.

040420111147 This is what I do, every single day. No more crying and I’m thankful for that Praying

I scrutinize my hair every morning, pluck out a few strands of hair (I think I’m gonna be bald soon if I continue this) and observe the hideous black hair growing….EEE YUCK! Just freaking look at it. Looks even worse compared to shit!

060420111169 Random picture of me and my new spectacles! Oh ya! I haven’t blogged about my new specs. *smacks head*

How do you like it? :D It’s not geeky specs, mind you, I just like it that way because I find my old spectacles very old-fashioned now :P

I only wear it when I’m indoors and not outdoors. Too hideous for outdoors now. =_=

And my degree is still the same after 2 years *jumps in joy* Okeh, cannot be too happy first…later my degree increase D:

070420111196 My outfit of the day ^_^

My poor beautiful tights are scratched but it still looks beautiful, yes? (Yes) – me 

Love college in a way because I get to dress up and wear the style I want to but I try to keep it minimal :P

Because people here dress very normal (from what I see la) It’s shorts + tee or if not, it’s some sleeveless top + high waist shorts or probably with some tights skirt. That’s why I get very excited when I see someone breaking up from the cycle of same ol same ol! There are a few people who dress really really awesome for college. I watch them with awe. Drooling

Especially those who wear awesome long skirts with some loose baggy tee or ANYTHING that looks look-book. :D

I think I should add “Looking at people who dress nice” as my interests now. Smug


My student ID! Not a very nice picture but I'm satisfied! Love the “Diploma in Multimedia” line :)

I’m a design student and I’m proud to be one!

070420111246 SORRY!! HAHAHA But I must show you how awful my hair colour looks like now. One hideous black patch on top of my hair! I really cannot stand walking around everyday with this hair so when I come back to Brunei for semester break, I MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST X100 dye my hair to some darker colour.

Regret dying my hair golden brown :( It was so dark last time! After a few wash, it faded to this…finally. That’s the colour I wanted but the black roots are fugging hideous. Maybe I should just dye the black parts. Oh yes, I think I will.

Like my doodle? HAHA. it’s messy >_< I kno! (Azra style)

 070420111319 - Copy

You see the blue eye I posted on Twitpic last time? Omg now that I look at it, it looks so freaking hideous. It wasn’t what I really wanted and after I bought myself some pencils, I resorted to learn how to draw a better eye from Youtube!

I really like drawing eyes so I practiced a lot hehe and finally…finally, came up with this :D So much better than the blue one please! 


My 2nd attempt on a photo-realistic eye using an awesome pencil + tissue! Now you can scroll up and look at the blue one again and scroll down to this. Blue one looks…ugh now ey?

I wanted to practice so I can catch up with the people who took art in spm. I didn’t take art in o levels so my knowledge in art would be low compared to those who took art in spm.

But woh, once you learn fundamental drawing, all all of these stuff comes in second. We are learning how to draw lines and boxes and curves at the moment. Raised Eyebrow

Very basic but difficult. :)

I love posting my drawings here ^_^ Am gonna do the same for my fundamental drawings and post them up in the next post or something. I haven’t take pictures of them yet.

080420111352 Weeeeee!! 2D design class!

Our left/right handed class work :D

For left handed people, we have to open up ourselves and instead of using our left hand to write and draw, we have to use our right hand instead. Vice versa for the right handed people!

And we had to stick our hideous works outside the design studio. Awesome. So people can admire it ;) *coff* Note the sarcasm.

Omg, our lecturer, Mr Sean is super cool please. He has this cool Mohawk hairstyle half shaved, half hairy (oops, sounds wrong or maybe it’s cause I’m wrong) and his sense of fashion is AWESOME. He comes to class wearing something different yet, stylish and of course, his style ;)

Guess what he wears! Loose baggy pants that looks like sleeping pants I’M SERIOUS but because it’s different, I like it. Even my course mates think it’s awesome. And oh…!!

He wears his loafers with SOCKS! And not just plain black or white socks but bright pink star patterned coloured socks! Omg. Too awesome. I’m dying of awesomeness. At wits end

Everyone should have an awesome fashion sense like him. I don’t have a distinctive style but I’m trying! TRYING!!!!


Like my right handed work? Batting Eyelashes It’s beautiful isn’t it!!! *screams*

Anyways, do read some of the words if you can because they are very interesting!!

Mr Sean said a lot of interesting stuff as well.

“A design without meaning is just a decoration only.” Makes a lot of sense. There has to a reason why the person designed it that way.

I love that line so much.

And you know what’s even more awesome?

Each time I walk around and observe posters or cartoon characters now, I tend to stop and observe a little longer and wonder why and what is it doing here. And my lecturer wants us to think that way. To stop being so normal and open ourselves up. Stop hiding in this little box where your imagination is so limited. Think more and think wild.


Went to Sunway Pyramid to shop for Susan’s skirt (Which in the end we did not even find any) and instead…080420111357  I got my Forever 21 shoes that I have been LONGING for ever since I saw it a week ago Dancing


Susan likes that mannequin’s bod. She said it’s super hawwwwwwtttttt. And oh! Same shirt. This could be….fate. *shiny eyes*

And here are mahhhhhhhhhh….AWESOME FOREVER 21 SHOES!!

I love using the word awesome. It just sounds better compared to any other word.

Don’t you think so?

Take these few words for example.


Nice but not WOW enough.


I don’t care. Awesome still sounds fantabulous. 


MMMMhmmmmm. Look at these pair of babies. I don’t care if you don’t like it because I totally lalalalalove it la! Love Struck

Like my un-sharp tool? Hehe! It makes my pictures so much better looking! I’m such a happy person and that’s why I’m blogging now.

110420111418 4.5 inches holy mama Surprise 

To be honest, it’s really really really hard to walk in even though it’s a wedge heel. I was struggling whilst I walked and the next day, my leg muscles became sore boo hoo!!

And I had blisters all over my feet. I’m waiting for my blisters to recover so I can wear it again! I’m afraid I can only wear it for an hour or two *sniff*

But isn’t it beautiful? To leave it at home and not show it off to the outside world would be too harsh to my new baby.

Cause it is just like us humans as well. Without experiencing the outside world and getting dirty, you will forever be restricted to your own world and never experiencing the dirty side of the world.

Hmm, I’m getting good in this “it’s just like” thingy HAHAHAHA thanks to Pin Pin! :D

110420111379 My FIRST and OFFICIAL 2d assignment!

Exciting~~~ hehehe :D

We have to do a short presentation about our design and why we created it that way. I feel so adult-ish.

Anyways, about this design, we were asked to create lines and shapes in a form of black and white paper to describe our personality or ourselves in a way other people cannot understand till you explain it to them. Since it was my first assignment and I’m naturally not very neat as a person so it came out very messy looking T_T

But there’s always room for improvement!

Above are my sketches…

110420111382 And here is my final work! :D

It’s quite complicated to explain it here so I won’t do any explaining. It looks super complicated if you don’t understand it. :( It’s okay. Just look at it. I only need Mr Sean to understand it. HAHA!

110420111390 At my favourite dessert hang out place, Snogurt - with ma girls! Love Struck

Say hello to ALIEN aka Suet Yee! Aiya, I call her Alien anyway :P

She don’t mind if anyone calls her that. Even her facebook name has an Alien in it. But pity her la, always teased by the boys.

Alien coming in the class -

Boys: ALIEN! Alien just came down from her space ship


Boys will forever be boys no matter how old they are.


 Snogurt Waffle set @ 6.90 anytime of the day! Super worth it! I order it each time I come to Snogurt.

It has a combination of tea/coffee + 1 snogurt flavour + 2 pancakes w/ maple syrup or chocolate sauce Mmmmhmm~~ just thinking about it makes me crave for more!

And oh ya! Do try the “Dewy Melon” flavour! So aweeeeeeeeeessssssome! The first time I tried it, I was like…floating..not literally but yeah, you get my point Silly

110420111394 Yummeyyyyh!!

110420111395 Alien, Mua and Bell who’s from Korea!!

She has this really cool tattoo on her arm! EE! Just looking at it makes me want to have a tattoo as well but I bet I won’t have the guts to do it since I’m so…soft. =_=

110420111396 Beautiful girls Blushing Bell so kiyutttte with her pose!!

110420111397  I tried to mimic her “Korean” pose and ended up like some rapist “Come with me, Papa will treat you goodThinking

120420111440 - Copy Shyuan’s breakfast set :D Looks good so I just snapped it up.

But it smells…garlic-ky and you know how me and garlics just don’t mix so of course, I found the smell awful.

120420111442 Outfit of the day! :D

After keeping my hot pink bandage skirt in the closet for I-d-k how many months, I finally found something to pair it with! I was in a rush so I simply grabbed any shirt to pair it with =_=

My new wedgies <3 After wearing it for an hour or so, I cannot stand the pain so I asked Alien to accompany me back to my hostel to change to my Paul Frank sneakers.

Weak Worried

130420111459 Dinner with Alien and Azra at Old Town White Coffee :D And my poor cute pink hunchback teddy in the picture as well!

130420111464 Azra’s yummy looking dish

130420111466 My wantan soup which tastes splendidly yummy! Love Struck


Wantan egg noodles drenched in yummy sauce :D

Okie, “drenched” sounds stupid but…that’s the only word I could think of :(

Anyways, I have MOAR photos but they are still on my phone and some in my album :D I shall post them some other time when I’m free to blog, for example today!

Actually, I have an assignment to do…

And right after I’m done with this blog post, I’m gonna do it. Big Grin

It’s a looooooong blog post and it’s been ages since I wrote such a long blog post. I spent almost 3 hours uploading pics+ typing this entry you know! With a few occasional breaks in between :P

I normally blog about a portion of my photos in my blog but if you want, you can view more of them (which I did not post up) in my Facebook album!

Link: Click HERE to go to my album Big Grin


  1. Lilian!!! Long time no see!! XD

  2. For the homesick part, I feel you. Been there too and the feeling is really undeniably hard to face ): I love this post, so long and detailed! :D Nice wedges btw!!

  3. Homesick :) Didn't know that you're from Brunei :) nice pictures you have here!


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♥ Lilian