Saturday, November 21, 2009

have i found you?

why do you always consider yourself to be the saddest among all of us?

why do you expect me to be there for you 24/7?

why do you always have fucking awkward moodswings?

why do you always need to be so fake and sarcastic?

you know what i really don't get at ALL?

when i got low marks for some of my papers, people would always try to cheer me up and tell me its okay, you can try your best another time but i will be like, " i will still be sad so give me some time to get over it" and the moment they heard it, they get mad and frustated.

yet, when their marks are low and i used the same quote they used on me and they fucking chased me off and scolded me "what if you're the one who got this? its no use okay" and then cry.

tell me, where is justice?

you can scold me like shit when your mood is horrible but when my mood is horrible, i ONLY said "leave me alone for a while" and you get insanely crazy like its you who had all those crazy and weird moodswings!

when i'm at my most saddest state, i never tell anyone about it. true, its sad that you're alone in your most saddest state but get this, no one will truly ever understand how sad you feel at that time. even your own parents don't understand a single thing. the only person who understands this whole sad thing is YOU. so the only thing you can do is just cry and hide under your bed sheets thinking about ways on how to chase this sadness away.

you know what i really need?

someone who can just shut up for a second and stop asking me to step back into reality. let me dream and smile for no apparent reason for a while. people say its stupid and i know you care for me, but sometimes, to not care is the best way to care about someone.

i know this whole thing is impossible and i'm being stupid or whatsoever but THAT'S JUST ME. what can i do? i'm not as brave as you, i'm not as smart as you and i'm definitely not as realism as you!

please, just let me fantasize for a while because i know that from now on, i won't be able to fantasize like i used to.

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♥ Lilian