Saturday, July 04, 2009

jokes jokes and JOKES!

i love jokes! do you?

well, i certainly do because they make me laugh and happy! here are some that i find really hilarious. if you don't, guess we're not of the same species! get it? or maybe not...

*cricket sound*

AIYAH, i'm just pretending to be lame okay. don't take that too seriously!

this post is partly for meithing(joke partner)! since you're so sad nowadays, read this and cheer up okay :) and never ever forget about DING DONG!

these are chinese jokes and they are super funny! LOL i keep on laughing when i read them!

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu

Yo Mama so ugly, I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
Your mama so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said 1 person at a time please
Yo Mama so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!"

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

Some cheeeeeesy pick-up lines:

if i followed you home, will you keep me?

I'm not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!

A cat falls into the water & the rooster laughs. What's the moral of the story??? A wet pu**y alway's makes a happy c*ck.

If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.

If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?

Do you want to do math? Let's add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply!

Was your Dad in the Air Force? Because you're da bomb.

It's a good thing that I have my library card. Why? Because I am totally checking you out!! (HEY! THAT'S MINE >:B )

I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?

People call me John, but you can call me Tonight!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!

Was your father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!

I think you just stole something. [What?] My heart.

Some are actually so sweet :) even if they are corny.

I must be in heaven because I'm looking at an angel!

I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you. (i love this)

your eyes are blue as an ocean and baby, i'm lost at the sea.

SO HOW do you like them? those are my personal favourites so i'm not sure about you guys! HAHA, the pick-up lines are gooooooooooooood but dirty and i will defo use them of some on my guy friends >:)

there are very little jokes because the jokes that i have searched doesn't seem to catch my attention because some were either

a) too TOO TOO dirty
b) too racist
c) not FUNNY at all
d) don't get them

but visual jokes rocks my socks! (i'm not wearing any tho)

AIN'T IT CUTE? (L)

HAHAHA DAMN HILARIOUS! makes sense doesn't it?

BEHOLD LADIES,

THIS IS THE HOTTEST MAN IN THE WORLD SO FAR

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patience, patience

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to see a guy this hot you need to be patient

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its worth the wait :)

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PSSH, i know he's too hot that you need a glass of cold water to tame you down!

OH NO! i have been influenced by these corny pick-up lines!

but they sure are good! *winks*

how about one of my own lines? i think i used this on Bruce once:

you make my tears dissappear into gas and make my heart melt into liquid!

HEY HEY HEY, i know its super lame but at least i exude a little Science in there! Einstein would be so proud of me! OH MAN! i am getting lamer and lamer by the minute!

will stop here then before these jokes fry my brain cellzZZZzz

HEHEHEH!

btw, you guys can play this game if you're bored: http://http://media.y8.com/games/content/Speed-Dating.swf

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♥ Lilian